Browsing articles in "My Life My Thoughts"
Jun 20, 2009

Good things coming out of bad — Thank you!

After a long pause of three days, I went out with a really sweet friend of mine to see a movie today. The movie, though, was not of her type (I am sorry sweetie you had to see it for your brother hehe), she tried to enjoy it! Actually she can not handle action movies and I took her to see “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. Anyway, it was not the movie which made the time good but the time we spent after that was good enough.

After a long time I left my phone home and still not getting it out of the box as not in mood to talk to anyone over the phone. Its day off for me today. I am feeling good to have atleast a day off from my hectic schedule and throwing my cell phone in silence.

Today, she made me realize that having a good friend around can make him/her understand more about you than you do. Each and everything, anything which I can not even imagine she can know about me. Sister, you do have good observation! I am still wondering what else! No matter its my love life, professional life, need of break or whatever. Its good to know that you understand me so much.

Good day, good movie and hand still in pain but who cares hehe.

P.S.: If I am not picking your phone, please mail me :). Let me enjoy sometime without the tring tring. (Only till Monday)

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Jun 19, 2009

Frustration Getting On My Nerves

Its 48 hours and I am still not able to use the left hand. I am getting calls and mails from many friends and people who want to know how am I now. It makes me feel good that you all are concerned. Thanks for all the support you are giving.

I am, but still, feeling frustrated by the fact that my left hand is quite in pain. Even after having so strong medicines, the hand is like as painful as it was a day before yesterday. It is eating all my energies and leaving me with no good thoughts. I mailed a very dear friend of mine who is angry on me. I though I may get a wish to get well soon but I think angry mood is sometimes more powerful.

Anyway, I know the time will heal the scars and I will be on good track with good feelings soon. I know it is hard to get everything out of head. From last few days everything is getting on my nerves a lot. There was a guy who messed with one of my friend too much. To get him away I had to be somewhat harsh to him. Anyway, getting that out of life was just a phase which got followed by messing with a true friend, accident, loss of a big project due t this damn accident and a reply which I never expected.

Tomorrow I am planning to see a movie but I am confused how will I go!!! Lolz this is funny. In last four years in Chandigarh I have never faced such issue. So lets see what else can happen to me!

Enjoy life you A**H*L*. You ran after hitting me. You will see what can happen to you. Grr.

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24 Hours After Accident

24 hours after the horrible experience I had yesterday. I wanted to share what I am feeling right now. First of all thank you to all the friends who sms/called/commented on blog/facebook/emailed and wished me fast recovery and also to those who are not calling me or contacting me but still are praying so that I can recover fast. Hey, am I saying right? I hope you are reading this.

When I came back yesterday after all what happened, I was sure that I will recover soon enough and will not take long to get back on track. But I was WRONG. Totally wrong. When I woke up in the morning, each and every single body part was aching and it was total hell. Somehow I managed to get up and after a while went out so that I can stretch my legs a bit. After walking very slowly for 400-500 mtrs, I came back and just fell on the bed.

After taking medicine, I slept for three more hours in which some of my dearest friends called me and woke me up. Thank you hehe. Anyway, the whole day went on bed only with my laptop in front of me which I am using after small intervals. I replied to some client’s mails which were important and now I have switched off my cell phone and waiting for getting rid of pains.

One of my friends said to me that I should not blame every single person. My dear friend, go and get hit like this. I have not cursed God yet. You will. Sorry for my words, but the person who is suffering, only he can tell what he is going through not a person who is just enjoying the keyboard with both hands.

Anyway, I am hurt so can curse anyone. Yes, I can blame anyone, I can curse anyone and I have full right to say anything. You can not just come and stop me from showing my feelings.

Thank you all again for the wishes :)

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Accidents prove people don’t have heart

Hectic day, too many things to do and so many things to buy. I was so tired that I decided to go out of home and have a slow and happy ride around the city to get some energy back. I think this was one the worst decisions I made till date. Everything was so smooth and good that I can not even imagine this can happen in next minute.

I was driving on the road near Rose Garden Chandigarh and found red light so stopped for a while. A very nice brand new Bolero was standing on the right side and as the lights went green both me and that Bolero moved together. Suddenly out of nowhere an Indica came from the left side of the road from a small lane and hit me hard, smashing me in Bolero. This made me kind of unconscious for few seconds and that bloody guy who was driving Indica just reversed the car and flew away.

The two people who were in Bolero came out and the person who was driving asked me if I am alright and wanted to take me to hospital. I was about to get off the bike as till now I was just sitting on bike as both the cars just made me sandwich stuffing between them and I was totally out of courage to get off the bike and say anything to anyone. His friend, dragged him saying “Abe pagla gaya hai saale, police case ban jayega. Bhag yahan se” (Have you gone out of your mind. You will be dragged in police case. Run from here) and both of them just went. Leaving me alone and hurt. I was just watching them going. Somehow, after trying for a while, I managed to get off the bike for few seconds, sat on the road side and saw around if I can find anyone around to but I was alone. At the moment I was like F**K you all who say people are good in Chandigarh.

It was hard to stand up back and do something. Don’t know why I just sat on bike, wore my helmet back and drove it to Gandhok Uncle’s hospital in Sector 32. May be I was scared of the things which I may have to face in General Hospital 16 as it was an accident. Anyway, in 15 minutes I was in 32. After getting checked for any injury and if there is anything serious (I am fortunate no external injury), he gave me medicine cursing those without heart people.

Now I back home, my mom is feeling too bad and at same time thanking Almighty that I am safe. The whole body is paining and I am typing all this with one hand only and left hand is in too much pain. The doc has advised me to stay at home for two days without giving any kind of strain to my body or mind as still I am in kind of traumatic situation and 40% of my body is shaking. I am neither able to control the shaking feet of mine nor the left hand’s fingers.

I may not come online or reply to your messages or calls for two days. Please do understand and wait till I am back in action which, I know will not take too long. Just let this tiger rest a bit in hibernation.

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Jun 14, 2009

I Just Want To Go Away For Sometime

When the year started I thought this year will be better from the last few years. All of the sudden everything started moving in a better way but I think my life is nothing more than problems. I got a sms today “Winning horse does not know why it runs. It runs because of the rider beats n of pain. Life is a race and God is your rider and if you are in pain then think God want you to win”. Ok, agreed. Sometimes this may be true but why God is kicking me without giving rest? Last two months were hell. First I had continues los of clients followed by story going into question mark and now stupid fights with friends and family people.

The only thing I think I need is a long break. Damn! I am only 24, working from last 5 years and struggling to make a good position in market. Still jerks come and tell me how should I work, what is good and what is bad? People say I just do “tuk tuk” on laptop and knows nothing. Ha! I don’t care what they think but still this thing hurts. If your child is not capable of doing single thing that doesn’t mean no one can do.

I am feeling too frustrated at the moment and above all I am not able to find a single person to talk. Mom is busy in her own problems, sister can not put burden on her as she is already too occupied. Two friends with who I can share things are either out of the city or I am not able to reach them and the friend whom I can think of buzzing is already so angry on me that I can not think of bugging.

Few days back I was thinking of going for a holiday but ruined. When I thought of confessing it got ruined. When I plan to expand work in a decided way it got ruined.

Anyway, I have to move forward again and think what can be done. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst kind of situation is here.

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Jun 13, 2009

I am not that mean…

From last 3-4 days, after meeting her, I am falling more and more towards her. I know she has has the idea that I am in love with her and she just want me to stop thinking about her. After coming back to Chandigarh, I gave this issue a long thought. Though the thought was only of few hours but is long enough for me. I had discussed the problem with some very good friends too and really I am feeling much better and clear about the things.But one girl, yes one girl made me to think again. YOU MY FRIEND, I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT AND SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY ON ME. I am addressing some words here to my love. Just to tell what I am from heart. Just be patient sweetheart and read.

I know that you have one special person in your life. In front of that person, the guy, the love of your life, I stand nowhere and I know this is literally NOWEHRE. I do not want to say that he can not take care of you and know that if I say I care about you and will love to keep this thought in my mind till I am alive, can make you REALLY ANGRY. I am not saying I am more capable than him or I am better than him. I know there must be something special in him which I am lacking of.

I am not mean. I do not want you to leave him and come to me. I never said that. But you can not stop me from loving you. I am not asking for return, I am not asking you to talk to me or be with me or chat with me or whatever. I am just asking you to let me care for you without any condition. Without the feeling of being a part of your life. I have kept a deep place in my heart just for you. You will remain there forever. I do not want you to even look at me when I am around. I just want you to let me see you. Let me have the feeling to be around you and baby you won’t even come to know that I am around.

Someday, soon, I will come and tell you silently that you are the one. Yes, you are the one for whom I care so much. Despite of the fact that this may make you too angry on me but hey, I am a sweet friend :) sweet enough to get angry on. :D .

Anyway, what if tell you that I have already said this to you today only? What if you come to know that you already scolded me for being so caring for you. What if you think of the chat we had just gave me a chance to show my love? Yes, I am still in love with you sweetheart. I am going to tell you someday. Someday when I feel that you wont kill me for loving you. But hey, feel free to kill me :). Just smile. That will be enough ;).

Love you and yes, I do care for you.

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Jun 11, 2009

Meeting You Made Me Happy.. Thank You :)

I am in Amritsar right now. Last night I was missing this admin panel of my blog a lot. The reason was the total turnoff of my mood after meeting you and recalling each and everything again. I am left with no choice but to write here and express my feelings.

I am in your city my dear. I know it is now confirmed that you are in a relation and there is almost no hope for me. Still, meeting you was the happiest moment of my day. I really loved the way you were looking yesterday. So beautiful, so sweet and as usual so caring. You know, I was about to tell you that you are the one but how can I think of hurting you sweetheart.

I know it is going to be really hard for me to move and keep on talking to you without letting you know that I love you so much. I know writing all this here will not only make a chance that you come to know whom I was pointing yesterday but there is chance that you get angry for sometime. But I still want to say whatever is in my heart.

I am not that bad guy, I told you. And I will prove that I am a good human being. I won’t hurt you by creating unnecessary problems in your life but will keep looking for you in my whole life. I am not going to spoil your life that is for sure. If God become so rude that he do not allow you in my life, I will keep on struggling against his wish to get you. I know its very hard and the steps which I am going to take can be a bit harmful for me. But I do not care much now.

I am not in mood to keep everything that secret and will keep on bugging something here and there to make sure you get some hint every moment you think of me. I know my sweetie is not so dumb to avoid the signs :) .

You asked me two days back if I was behind that deed but I clearly refused but hey! You at least thought that I can do such thing! That’s more than enough for me and yes I was the culprit haha. That was not a mistake sweetheart, not at all. Yesterday I took my cam intentionally when I came to meet you as I wanted some pictures but somehow my heart was not allowing me to do so. I just wanted to look at you and keep tracing your face in my mind so that whenever I close my eyes I can see you. I told you that you were looking so sweet and the blush I saw on your cheeks was a happy moment ;) .

This blog will bring some problems for me as now will keep on bugging things about you and how much I am in love with you. I do not know why God sometimes enjoy playing games with me but this time I am ready to be an integral part of his show and will show him that in end he has to give some good end note. I can be naughty, I can be nasty and even can be mad enough to make every situation unthoughtful for myself. But I will make sure that I won’t hurt you in any case. Few days back, when you were spending time with him, I was digging myself to see where exactly I am standing right now. The situation I come to know about is the main reason behind coming to your city. I started missing you so much that I was left with no other choice to make a plan and find a reason to come and see you. I am sure you got the hint yesterday and now you will literally force me to stop thinking about you. Moreover YOU HAVE ALREADY SAID THAT.

But try to keep yourself on my place and think how can I just stop thinking of you. You can not just come and stop me of drawing your smiling face in my mind. If you do not want me in your life I am not going to force you at all. But think of it in this way once. If in future you come to me and say that “Anurag, I am with you for rest of my life” and at that time I can not say yes, how would you feel? Terrible! right? NO. This won’t happen. I am sure. You will come and will come before time. If you are my destiny, no one can keep you away from me.

It Will never be easy for me to tell you the exact feelings I have right now for you. They will keep on growing with every second of my life. I know when you will read this you will think of each and every minute you spent yesterday with me and count the signs I gave you. I know you will. You will come to know how deeply I am in love with you and want you in my life. That’s unfortunate for me that I missed the chance to say the “three words” by just few hours.

With loads and loads of “LOVE”. Yes, it is love. No crush, no infactuation. PURE AND DEEP LOVE. Happy to be in your city sweetie. Really thanks for calling me and meeting me. Though I know I bugged a lot yesterday :).

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