Browsing articles in "About Me"
Jun 14, 2009

I Just Want To Go Away For Sometime

When the year started I thought this year will be better from the last few years. All of the sudden everything started moving in a better way but I think my life is nothing more than problems. I got a sms today “Winning horse does not know why it runs. It runs because of the rider beats n of pain. Life is a race and God is your rider and if you are in pain then think God want you to win”. Ok, agreed. Sometimes this may be true but why God is kicking me without giving rest? Last two months were hell. First I had continues los of clients followed by story going into question mark and now stupid fights with friends and family people.

The only thing I think I need is a long break. Damn! I am only 24, working from last 5 years and struggling to make a good position in market. Still jerks come and tell me how should I work, what is good and what is bad? People say I just do “tuk tuk” on laptop and knows nothing. Ha! I don’t care what they think but still this thing hurts. If your child is not capable of doing single thing that doesn’t mean no one can do.

I am feeling too frustrated at the moment and above all I am not able to find a single person to talk. Mom is busy in her own problems, sister can not put burden on her as she is already too occupied. Two friends with who I can share things are either out of the city or I am not able to reach them and the friend whom I can think of buzzing is already so angry on me that I can not think of bugging.

Few days back I was thinking of going for a holiday but ruined. When I thought of confessing it got ruined. When I plan to expand work in a decided way it got ruined.

Anyway, I have to move forward again and think what can be done. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst kind of situation is here.

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Jun 13, 2009

I am not that mean…

From last 3-4 days, after meeting her, I am falling more and more towards her. I know she has has the idea that I am in love with her and she just want me to stop thinking about her. After coming back to Chandigarh, I gave this issue a long thought. Though the thought was only of few hours but is long enough for me. I had discussed the problem with some very good friends too and really I am feeling much better and clear about the things.But one girl, yes one girl made me to think again. YOU MY FRIEND, I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT AND SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY ON ME. I am addressing some words here to my love. Just to tell what I am from heart. Just be patient sweetheart and read.

I know that you have one special person in your life. In front of that person, the guy, the love of your life, I stand nowhere and I know this is literally NOWEHRE. I do not want to say that he can not take care of you and know that if I say I care about you and will love to keep this thought in my mind till I am alive, can make you REALLY ANGRY. I am not saying I am more capable than him or I am better than him. I know there must be something special in him which I am lacking of.

I am not mean. I do not want you to leave him and come to me. I never said that. But you can not stop me from loving you. I am not asking for return, I am not asking you to talk to me or be with me or chat with me or whatever. I am just asking you to let me care for you without any condition. Without the feeling of being a part of your life. I have kept a deep place in my heart just for you. You will remain there forever. I do not want you to even look at me when I am around. I just want you to let me see you. Let me have the feeling to be around you and baby you won’t even come to know that I am around.

Someday, soon, I will come and tell you silently that you are the one. Yes, you are the one for whom I care so much. Despite of the fact that this may make you too angry on me but hey, I am a sweet friend :) sweet enough to get angry on. :D .

Anyway, what if tell you that I have already said this to you today only? What if you come to know that you already scolded me for being so caring for you. What if you think of the chat we had just gave me a chance to show my love? Yes, I am still in love with you sweetheart. I am going to tell you someday. Someday when I feel that you wont kill me for loving you. But hey, feel free to kill me :). Just smile. That will be enough ;).

Love you and yes, I do care for you.

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Jun 11, 2009

Meeting You Made Me Happy.. Thank You :)

I am in Amritsar right now. Last night I was missing this admin panel of my blog a lot. The reason was the total turnoff of my mood after meeting you and recalling each and everything again. I am left with no choice but to write here and express my feelings.

I am in your city my dear. I know it is now confirmed that you are in a relation and there is almost no hope for me. Still, meeting you was the happiest moment of my day. I really loved the way you were looking yesterday. So beautiful, so sweet and as usual so caring. You know, I was about to tell you that you are the one but how can I think of hurting you sweetheart.

I know it is going to be really hard for me to move and keep on talking to you without letting you know that I love you so much. I know writing all this here will not only make a chance that you come to know whom I was pointing yesterday but there is chance that you get angry for sometime. But I still want to say whatever is in my heart.

I am not that bad guy, I told you. And I will prove that I am a good human being. I won’t hurt you by creating unnecessary problems in your life but will keep looking for you in my whole life. I am not going to spoil your life that is for sure. If God become so rude that he do not allow you in my life, I will keep on struggling against his wish to get you. I know its very hard and the steps which I am going to take can be a bit harmful for me. But I do not care much now.

I am not in mood to keep everything that secret and will keep on bugging something here and there to make sure you get some hint every moment you think of me. I know my sweetie is not so dumb to avoid the signs :) .

You asked me two days back if I was behind that deed but I clearly refused but hey! You at least thought that I can do such thing! That’s more than enough for me and yes I was the culprit haha. That was not a mistake sweetheart, not at all. Yesterday I took my cam intentionally when I came to meet you as I wanted some pictures but somehow my heart was not allowing me to do so. I just wanted to look at you and keep tracing your face in my mind so that whenever I close my eyes I can see you. I told you that you were looking so sweet and the blush I saw on your cheeks was a happy moment ;) .

This blog will bring some problems for me as now will keep on bugging things about you and how much I am in love with you. I do not know why God sometimes enjoy playing games with me but this time I am ready to be an integral part of his show and will show him that in end he has to give some good end note. I can be naughty, I can be nasty and even can be mad enough to make every situation unthoughtful for myself. But I will make sure that I won’t hurt you in any case. Few days back, when you were spending time with him, I was digging myself to see where exactly I am standing right now. The situation I come to know about is the main reason behind coming to your city. I started missing you so much that I was left with no other choice to make a plan and find a reason to come and see you. I am sure you got the hint yesterday and now you will literally force me to stop thinking about you. Moreover YOU HAVE ALREADY SAID THAT.

But try to keep yourself on my place and think how can I just stop thinking of you. You can not just come and stop me of drawing your smiling face in my mind. If you do not want me in your life I am not going to force you at all. But think of it in this way once. If in future you come to me and say that “Anurag, I am with you for rest of my life” and at that time I can not say yes, how would you feel? Terrible! right? NO. This won’t happen. I am sure. You will come and will come before time. If you are my destiny, no one can keep you away from me.

It Will never be easy for me to tell you the exact feelings I have right now for you. They will keep on growing with every second of my life. I know when you will read this you will think of each and every minute you spent yesterday with me and count the signs I gave you. I know you will. You will come to know how deeply I am in love with you and want you in my life. That’s unfortunate for me that I missed the chance to say the “three words” by just few hours.

With loads and loads of “LOVE”. Yes, it is love. No crush, no infactuation. PURE AND DEEP LOVE. Happy to be in your city sweetie. Really thanks for calling me and meeting me. Though I know I bugged a lot yesterday :).

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Matrimonial — Where are they heading?

I am 24, male, looking for my better half. Do I really need to book myself on Shaadi, Indian Matrimonial or need to give advertisement in newspaper and look for girls who are “Convent Educated” or should go to a TV show (talking about star vivah, recently started on Star TV)?

Let me clerify one thing first that I am not so desperate to get married that I am writing this on my blog. I just want to express my views on the system we are following to get married. After even 10 years of being social, I still do not understand the concept of arrange marriage. There is no single marriage in my knowledge which is fixed via website, tv show, matrimonial ads or something like that, is 100% success. Well clearly speaking, only 10% of the marriages which I have seen till date or you can say 10% of married couples, living happily.

Getting married is one of the most happy moments I can think of, in a girl’s or boy’s life. Getting married to a right person is a real time hard to find thing. Sometimes, when I feel bored on Sundays, I look into Matrimonial sections of newspapers for jokes! Confused? Yes, I look for Matrimonial for jokes. The ads there are nothing better than PJ’s. If you look at them you will find that the people who get married in this world are neither beautiful, nor from good family, nor highly educated, nor earning good because all such people find their partners from MATRIMONIAL. I do not understand of writing “Convent Educated” in the qualification. Does this make difference? Do they look like “Avtars”? The main thing in education is the institute and the backbone behind you. If the girl is so called “Convent Educated” and can not respect the family members, whats the use of such education then?

I think getting married to the right person is as important as breathing. Few things which are important as per my thoughts should be:

1. Nature.
2. Understanding.
3. Knowledge of needs and medical conditions.
4. Importance of being together.
5. Love between the partners.
6. Guts to say sorry. Yes, it should be there in both the partners.

Rest there can be a long list of do’s and dont’s which I do not think, I have write to say at this moment hehe. :)

Look forward, think twice before going for such things. Beware of frauds and try to look for the best option for you. Life is not for spoiling with your own bare hands. ENJOY :)

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Welcome June!

Last month went a bit hazy, creepy and full of stupid issues, either financial or family or with clients. It was like I need to run from here, go to somewhere where I can not be found. Felt too sad and lonely for many days and almost had a emotional breakdown but HEY! I am back with the new month haha.

How can I feel so bad for so long huh? Anurag is a freak and will remain one till he dies. The only best thing happened last month is the increase in the bond between me and my Lord. I am feeling more near to God. I know sometimes is become really hard to manage and at that time I do not find even a single person to share my feelings with. Everyone is so stuck in their life that telling them about my problems seem really awkward to me.

The more I go ahead in life, the more I realize that life is way more hard then I thought of in the last month. There were I think 4 clients who acted like most irritating personalities in my whole life and almost got my nerves. Three of them got their answers but the last one will get a big time kick on his butts for sure. Can you imagine people happily give money to Godaddy and other companies in US but they want the Indian to work for free and feel getting “work for free” is their birth right! Moreover they think they can stop the payments from my other clients whom they are in contact of! Haha dream on! These cheap guys don’t know how nasty I can be and what I can do with them. Foul language and irritating messages do not boil me much as I know if I throw stone on mud the person who will get affected is me.The much needed lesson for such people is in pipeline and they will understand pretty sure that if a person is quite that means he is getting ready for the biggest attack on them which they can not even think of.

Anyway, life and business has such things. The most required thing for me is to leave the “Punjabi” anger far behind and let the dogs bark as the more they bark the more they will ruin their reputation. If I have the right to speak I also have the right to be silent on some situations.

Last month also got some good news for me! I became pretty sure that …. na leave this thing haha. Some other time. I am changing the topic lolz.

I am planning to go for some tours this month. Next month full Solar eclipse photography is in pipeline and I am still worried about the equipment I will need. I do not know if my baby (talking about my cam) can handle such situation. Anyway, for that I still have much time to thing as confusion still persists for the location. I am still like “Idhar jaaun ke udhar jaaun“.

Rest I am feeling adventourous these days as I do not know what I am going to face this month hehe. Lets see and hope for the best and hey! I am always prepared for the worst to come ;)

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May 17, 2009

What If

What if I did not bother what you meant to me or what if I just walked away when you came into my life. I am still feeling too bad because I am hurt. I am hurt because I cared and you just went off. I was not asking for the return favor but I was asking for the accessibility to the charm of being around you which I do not think I will get.

Every single broken piece of my heart is still yelling that I am wrong. You must be in some problem and that is the only reason you had such kind of harsh words for me. May be I believe they are harsh and they might not be. I do not understand why I still behave like an innocent child who just want to be loved though I know the phase of being innocent and of child has gone. It was my mistake (I think) to believe that I can think of you in my life.

After my past experience with friends and love, it was hard to make myself ready to get into any kind of true friendship or something like that but you made me think that it was not an end of my emotions but it was just a  break. I started the day with you and ended it with a note of thanks. I always tried that I should not become nuisance for you though I made myself so many a times in such a short spam of time of our friendship.

But still I believed that you understand the reason I was talking to you. You understand the situations I am facing and will be a little support by just replying to me. But in all this, I messed up with me and with you. I asked you many a times if I am the reason of bad mood and you refused to agree with me on that but now I feel somewhere it was my mistake to have so much faith in myself that I can be a good friend and can get a sweet friend like you.

I do not think I have enough courage to say anything to you and this is the only reason I am writing all this here. I do not think I will be able to express my feelings to you anymore on net or face to face which I really wanted to someday. I will count every drop fell for you and I will remain silent till I do not find either a way to say sorry or a way to express myself in front of you.

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May 16, 2009


Life sometimes bring a point in life when you become more and more frustrated by the things you have done and others are doing with you. Your whole life is full of friends and some very close to your heart, so close that others can not fill or occupy that space. When these friends start talking in a way that hurts you, is the worst phase of life.

I have crossed 24 years of my life and now moving to 25. If I calculate in next 3 and half months approximately. What I have learned in such a long period of time is, if you care for someone you are a big time jerk. Friends normally do not make you feel bad but on some stage they just do not want you to disturb them because YOU CARE. Because you show care and love which you think they deserve, which you think you have right to show especially to those friends which are “the close one” to your heart.

In my life I came across many people and had quite good relations with some of them. So good that I was there for them in any time of the day but whats the result? I always prove myself a stupid piece of junk who is totally unwanted. I don’t understand after being so caring for friends, in end, why I prove myself to be the same as old an then repeat the thing again!

Every year, every time I am proved to be the most stupid person only because I care for you my friend. Life is so short and loving someone is a beautiful feeling. The feeling which is awaited in everyone’s life and when it comes it can make you the happiest person in life. The feeling can be for a lover or a friend (but a closer one). When you love her so much that you get tense when she is tense the climax comes and then…. you are again on the floor to collect the pieces of your heart because the person have so many friends other than you and closer than you.

Thank you again my friend! For teaching me the same which everyone tried to teach me. But I will not stop admiring you and adoring you for being in my life. Someday I know, you will feel that I was the one who tried to make you happy. I may not be the good looking, charming or have so cool nature to match with your “close friends” but I am not that bad also.

For you, I am here but will not message you or buzz you again even if I find you in a bad mood or you are mad about something. I am leaving you on your own and will wait for the time when I think I can buzz you or disturb you for something or you think the same to disturb me (though I wont feel disturbed at all)

Thanks again for making few months of my life so beautiful and thanks for that drop I just found. I know you will read this.

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